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Where do we find the strength?

by Brooke

My Grandmother, Nanny as I know her, was diagnosed with CHF about 3 years ago. I left my job and moved back to my home town a year and a half ago to care for her. She always went out of her way for me now it was my turn. Moving here to help her was the easiest decision I've had to make and the hardest thing I've ever done.

Nanny passed away on this November 23, the day after Thanksgiving. She didn't get up that day (Thanksgiving) but she knew her house was clean, there was food on the table and we were all gathered around to give thanks.

My sister and I helped Nanny get ready for the night. We talked with her, joked and laughed, at my expense I may add. :) She told us she could sleep away. She was so tired. I awoke at dawn to hear Nanny move in bed.(We used a baby monitor.) I slept on but wondered if she was still here. When I checked on her at 7 she in fact had "slept away."

There is peace now. Nanny no longer has to struggle. Nanny was never afraid of dying, she was afraid for the loved ones she would leave behind. That's Nanny, not a selfish bone in her body.

When I was a child I couldn't wait to be a grown up. When you're a grown up every thing is easy and your pockets are full of answers to all questions.

Here I sit a grown up, pockets full of questions not answers and the realization that nothing comes easy and rarely makes sense.

As I start this new chapter in my life I have more strength then ever. I learned so much from Nanny. A quick wit, a sense of family, a loving, non- judgmental view of people, to list only a few. Nanny was always worried there wouldn't be enough to leave to her family when she left. I hope she knows the gifts she has given, uconditionally loving and teaching us is more than we could ask for. Priceless!

I will be in contact with local grief counceling, but I am also interested in doing some work on this online. So happy to have found this. Peace and love, Brooke


Brooke is a member of Beyond Indigo.

   
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